I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
