dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
