he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
