4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
