i just had sex bonerless
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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