I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
