he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
