It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
