I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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