i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I need a burrito and a hug.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
When are your genitals available?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
