Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
