Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Who died my cat blue again?
Oh god it's open bar.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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