I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
