I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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