Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
