I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Welp...herpes.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
