Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
