is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
