i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
