talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
