Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Princesses don't give blow jobs
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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