I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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