Who wears a wallet chain?!
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
