Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
