This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
