I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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