We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
