Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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