He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
