god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
