You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
It's shark week go big or go home
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
