I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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