I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
