just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
