your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
