the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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