curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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