i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
