so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
