i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
