Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
