I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
