He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
