cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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