Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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