we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
