the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
