my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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