Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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