So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You ruined the universe
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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