My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
