Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
