is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
