Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
