Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
