im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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