New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
