So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
