my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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