I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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