KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
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